Saturday, December 27, 2014


About the sudden frequency of news items concerning (usually gorgeous) female teachers "raping" male underage students:

Comparable gender sexuality discourse is still taboo in this country. While male perped rape is violence and not sex for females, it may be hard to prove that female perped rape is not sexual or unconsensual on the male side. Also, the incidental presence of elements of sexual pleasure or arousal during rape may be difficult to compartmentalize in an unconsensual and violent situation. Lots of work to do with these primitive laws.

The Modern Sociopath

I forward to you the assertion that all forms of violence are symptoms of mental illness.

This definition of violence includes law enforcement, military, agricultural (animal exploitation) and religious violence, which are all normally sanctioned in most modern societies.

Coincidentally or not, this violence is almost exclusively perpetrated by human males.  One is led to extract that human hormonal enhancement (or challenge) predisposes certain people to express this form of mental illness.

There are reasons to believe that in present modern societies, violence could ideally be replaced with more functional behavior, such as verbal conflict resolution strategies and diplomacy.

Violence has been rationalized as a last resort.

All the Ways We Hang Ourselves

Keeping this day as a pure and enforceable do-absolutely-nothing day, I just let the cravings and impulses roam amok, and...
there weren't any.

Played games all day on my phone in bed in the dark till my eyes hurt. And now I'm back on the screen.

My brain wasn't stopping though, not even for a second.

Caught myself  1) holding my breath  2) unconsciously tightening up all my upper torso muscles  3) making background mental lists of all the things I could/should be doing instead.

That meditation of not thinking of anything while not doing anything is still not something I have mastered, although I've done it for seconds at a time at various times, and it always did a world of good to me.  There's lots of things that may do me worlds of good, but the reason I don't just start doing them are numerous and complex.

Basic self-sabotage acts, some stemming from fear of change, general avoidance, and a realization of having reached a minimum level of comfort - i.e. not being hungry, worried about sheller etc.

DISCOMFORT plays a huge role in all of this.  Getting out of the warm blankies. Having to face my face another aging day.

Friends are moving away.  Relatives are few and far away.  Being alone is ultimately comforting.

Saturday, June 14, 2014

So, I had a dream.

Without boring the non-dreamer listener, I suddenly found myself in the 1970s, in a cruster's bar - with my iPhone.

Before I pulled it out of my purse, I had been conversing with these two old guys at the bar.  As our conversation hit taking a photograph, my iPhone appeared, and the conversation halted with the two staring at my device - completely silent.

They stared without understanding, probably because I'd said something about taking a picture with my phone.

Getting an uneasy feeling, I said a quick set of goodbyes because I had to, uhm, do something at that very moment, and I exited the bar.

Next scene, I was hiding out behind an outhouse? and something had happened, I'd prolly been knocked out because I couldn't find my purse, with my phone in it, of course.  The thing that most terrified me was that i could now no longer make my way back to the teens where I came from, because my boarding pass app had to have been in my phone, or in my purse at least.

Looking around, I found under a trash can the remains of my purse, with almost everything gone from it, and definitely my phone.

Eddie had come along with me on this trip, but for sokme reason had not come to the bar where I'd been mugged.   As I was in my no-return panic, Eddie showed up. He was quite distressed, because he realized he was in the 70s with a rocker haircut, and getting too much flack for it, had gotten a crew cut by some woman he met on the street.

I was aghast at how different he looked, and by the fact that he had already deserted me psychically. Saying he had to go back to this woman, he suddenly found her closeby, and right then I had a further future vision of what these two had become, from merging; two yellow boxy, rhinestone and glitter encrusted robots who shared the same sign language. That was the adaptation to stay within the 1970s, I guess.


The Feel of Things Falling Apart

Waking up in the morning with body pain.


I don't know.

Is it all the sugar I eat?  Because I've already stopped eating wheat since seven years now.  And they promised that my joints would stop degenerating!

They lied.  Again.

So, now the infrequent exercising begins.  In the living room.

It's a brand new reality, the body changing.  Take it as it comes. Quit the day job. Feel the pain.  It leaves no stain.

Friday, December 20, 2013

Feminist Re-loaded: Fetish Business Cosplay

The belief was that if you had no need to wear high heels or any type of restrictive clothing, you could move freely about, without any excuses of being impeded in the movement of trying to get away from someone, or just running, and making practical carrying moves -- doing manual labor, that is.

Just like a guy would. He doesn't think twice about the dangers of doing errands or daily acts of physical activity because it's too difficult in the heels, or it will make his clothes dirty.  (Unless he's wearing some fancy suit, that is, and then I don't care about him anyway.)

So, having freed myself of this tired and impractical trope of the helpless girl who can't do all and everything on her own, I thought I'd carved and cleared myself the sure pathway to success.

After all, these clothes are just a bad joke, perpetrated upon women for the sole viewing pleasures of the business males:  I will never be paid enough to wear this cosplay  (even though I actually have given a think about exactly how much that enough might be. )  By wearing this gear, you are consenting to your domination by someone who is not restrained, and basically owns your ass, and wants you to look like that, and is also amused by the added difficulty to your job while doing it in that same amusement gear.

Looking back, I asked myself: Well, did this help in getting me the career of my choice?

Sadly -- I still don't know.

Tuesday, July 09, 2013

THE ORIGINS OF ROCK N ROLL - (work in progress)

This music is derived from the mixing nordic cultures integrated with southern, african and middle eastern influences.  The collaborative nature of band units, with less emphasis on individual importance, can be considered asian in concept descent. Covering this huge geographic spread, it is no wonder it has become a global, international  music.

The most amazing stuff seems to automatically emerge from developing nations, which of course contribute their own characteristics in a virtual explosion of industrial energy, much as McLuhan had prophetically theorized in the late fifties.

In a more recent evolution of modern metal, south american death/gore metal bands embody the best in graphic and grotesque mayan-aztec ritualistic blood sacrifice esthetics, some of which can be detected in modern day mexican tabloid culture.  Leave it to the scandinavian black metal youth to add a stoic chill of permafrost-pervaded putrefaction, and coagulated blood turns to a color-drained black against the stark albino skin, hair and snow background of this environmental genetic funneling.

Its global popularity is also attributable to the reclaiming of the shamanic function of ancient tribal folk ritual music, which western culture had completely forsaken, in its appropriation of classical music designed for aristocratic indulgent consumption.  The development of electric amplification has helped re-adjust acoustic reach across the sheer numbers of modern industrial-sized mass audiences in dire need of tangible cathartic release.  Sounds at that tonality and volumes redefine the physicality of interaction with the human body.  Those levels are designed to open up by sound waves interstitial cell vibrations, also spawning new interaction scenarios of intimate physical contact with proximals.

And here's an inspired still of Jimmy Page from Led Zep's awesome concert at Royal Albert Hall in 1970. He looks like Michael Jackson!  But even more infantile.

Friday, May 03, 2013

What I Learned from Playing Bejeweled

Never lose track of the big picture.

Focus on what you're doing even when things get shaky.

There will always be someone better than you at this, but that doesn't mean much.

Pattern recognition is one of the most important guidelines in life. Having said that, speed is an incisive factor.

Sometimes just when you think you're about to fail, the game offers you an unexpected way out. You never completely know how the game is programmed.

The best way to execute a task is to get into the groove of it. That way it becomes easier.

When it becomes easy and automatic stay the course.

Sometimes, when in the groove of a task, do not over think your actions or it might impair the flow of things. It might be best to think about something else entirely, as a helpful distraction. This brain multitasking can be helpful in solving other problems at hand.
Also, negative thoughts will trump you and affect the game outcome.

You'll never know exactly what kids who play games addictively will turn into later in life. This kind of concentration and attention focusing could very well lead to development of constructive ideas and projects. But it also might not.

You can't sit for too many hours uninterrupted with this thing. It's really really really bad for you like that.

Wednesday, May 01, 2013

Today's Lists


1 - sitting at computer for hours without shifting position

2 - stand in awkward positions while skin picking

3 - turning on tv while eating

4 - turning on tv

5 - consuming extra sugar

6 - speaking to relatives

7 - conflicted relations conversation

8 - waking up without having moved around previous day: pain

9 - staying up late for something un-engaging

10- gossipping

11- whining


1 - picking up guitar and playing

2 - playing music on guitar, keyboard, drums, computer

3 - drawing, painting, graphic art, web design

4 - eating vegetables (except for nightshades)

5 - eating fish once a week, other meats infrequently

6 - my espresso elixir, no more than once a day

7 - going on walks in woods, mountain, beach

8 - stretching

9 - dancing, dressing up

10- driving a well-running vehicle

11- paying bills (because it means I can)

12- knowledge of having a safe place to sleep/go at night

12- scalding baths

13- non-scalding baths

14- massage

15- sex

16- selling things, services

17- finishing projects

18- starting projects

19- saying I love you to loved ones

20- fasting

21- making things

22- making lists